i just google imaged poop.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize