I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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