and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
