I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
