why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
