hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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