Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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