I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
