Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
