love makes seman taste better
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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