its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dick very happy bro
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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