Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
