so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
