he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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