Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
