i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
