my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dick very happy bro
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
