I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
