a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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