yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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