I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
