Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Randomize
