he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
