Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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