Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
