i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
