everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, beer. Big fan.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
