I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize