There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
