used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
