Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
