Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
