When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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