Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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