Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
