btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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