i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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