I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
