i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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