Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
