you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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