I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
