why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
