Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
