I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
