Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
