You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
