When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
