You really coming over, don't trick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you mean i was at the winter classic?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
