OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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