My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sober January is a disaster.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
