he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
