I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
