I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
