Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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