I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
