a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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