i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
