Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You smell like stripper and shame
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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