i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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