I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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