I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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