Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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