Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
