apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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