Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
