Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
